It's dark times for Ethan Collins, a severely depressed, foul-mouthed elementary school teacher whose wife's recent infidelity and departure have left him questioning everything in his life.
In The Secret Lives of Dorks, Payton (Gaelan Connell) is a pathetic dork, a comic book geek whose high school career is one hopeless faux pas after another. Yet he's a dreamer and madly in love with the head cheerleader Carrie (Riley Voelkel), who he is determined to win over. But she is wise to his desperate advances, so to get off his radar she creates a plan to push him into the arms of a dorkette at the school, Samantha (Vanessa Marano).
Shelley is living a carefree life until a rival gets her tossed out of the Playboy Mansion. With nowhere to go, fate delivers her to the sorority girls from Zeta Alpha Zeta. Unless they can sign a new pledge class, the seven socially clueless women will lose their house to the scheming girls of Phi Iota Mu. In order to accomplish their goal, they need Shelley to teach them the ways of makeup and men; at the same time, Shelley needs some of what the Zetas have - a sense of individuality. The combination leads all the girls to learn how to stop pretending and start being themselves.
The heroic Leonidas, armed with nothing but leather underwear and a cape, leads a ragtag group of 13 Spartans to defend their homeland against the invading Persians (whose ranks include Ghost Rider, Rocky Balboa, the Transformers, and a hunchbacked Paris Hilton). No one is safe when the Spartans take on the biggest icons in pop culture!
