harmful existence

"Back home, when I fell asleep, I saw nothing but darkness flowing through my mind. Why is it that now, that I have left what I experienced as home, everything that perturbed and irritated me before, has become so vivid? In this cargo, even the artificial air mix radiates the melancholy of my planet, even if it is just a placebo to get me through this journey. It might've been wiser to wait out for the asteroid cluster to calm down but I had not choice, but to leave..."