Cinematic Titanic: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (2008)
Genre : Comedy
Runtime : 1H 26M
Director : sharp-ford
Synopsis
The children of Mars are in a funk, and nothing on the red planet seems to be able to cheer them up. Martian King Kimar comes up with the only reasonable solution: kidnap Santa Claus from Earth's North Pole and bring him to their planet to make toys for their joyless, listless little green kids. Meanwhile, two Earth children get wise to the plan and are abducted along with Santa to prevent them from talking to the authorities. Luckily for them, Dropo, the Jerry Lewis of the fourth planet from the sun, is there to help them. The fiendish plot doesn't go according to plan, and there's plenty of intrigue, double-crossing, mistaken identity and stock footage for kids of all ages and planets to enjoy. Poorly conceived, sloppily made, and unfailingly bizarre, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is the ultimate Christmas movie-riffing classic (as fans of MST3K know) which is why Cinematic Titanic chose to revisit, re-riff, and release this holiday hamfest with all new jokes. Merry Crap-mas!
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When CIA operative Miles Kendig deliberately lets KGB agent Yaskov get away, his boss threatens to retire him. Kendig beats him to it, however, destroying his own records and traveling to Austria where he begins work on a memoir that will expose all his former agency's covert practices. The CIA catches wind of the book and sends other agents after him, initiating a frenetic game of cat and mouse that spans the globe.
After losing nearly all of an inheritance to taxes, sisters Kay (Betty Grable) and Barbara Latimer (Carole Landis), waitresses at a drive-in restaurant in Texas, scheme to find rich husbands. With the aid of their aunt Susan (Charlotte Greenwood), the sisters take the last of their money and head to a well-known Miami resort where they soon meet two wealthy young men, Phil (Don Ameche) and Jeff (Robert Cummings), who begin a fierce rivalry for Kay, not realizing that Barbara has fallen in love with one of them.
This is a great performance. Through yelling and energetic story-telling, he talks about marriage, drugs, being arrested (thanks to his ex-wife), pleasing women, religion, and much, much more.
When the mysterious Toy Taker grabs all of Santa's toys, it looks like the children will miss out on Christmas. But everyone's favorite reindeer, Rudolph, comes to the rescue with his lovable friends: Hermey the elf, Yukon Cornelius the grizzly prospector, the abominable snow monster Bumbles and Rudolph's very special friend Clarice. Together, they promise Santa they'll track down Toy Taker and rescue Santa's toy. Their incredible quest takes them on a wild adventure with Rudolph's red nose leading the way!
Emily (Sarah Paulson) and Ben (Eric Mabius) find their plans to marry on Christmas day coming apart at the seams when Ben is left to plan the wedding details after Emily is forced to go on a business trip. Though Emily, a perfectionist, is determined to have a fairytale wedding, she realizes that love is all that really matters when a freak storm threatens to keep her from making it home in time for the big day.
A lost and troubled Eleonore looks for something everywhere, even in the bags of strangers.
A millionaire sets out to prove his theory that his pet chimpanzee is as intelligent as the teenagers who hang out on the local beach, where he is intending to build a retirement home.
Winterbolt is trying to make the North Pole his evil wonderland, and it is up to Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and others to stop him.
Little Women is a coming-of-age drama tracing the lives of four sisters: Meg, Jo, Beth and Amy. During the American Civil War, the girls father is away serving as a minister to the troops. The family, headed by their beloved Marmee, must struggle to make ends meet, with the help of their kind and wealthy neighbor, Mr. Laurence, and his high spirited grandson Laurie.
When a suburban couple goes camping for the weekend at a remote beach, they discover that nature isn't in an accommodating mood.
When this year's round of unsuspecting Northerners fail to show up for their annual Guts N' Glory Jamboree, the residents of Pleasant Valley take their cannibalistic carnival on the road and head to Iowa where they encounter spoiled heiresses Rome & Tina Sheraton and the cast and crew of their "Road Rascals" reality show. Performing "The Bloodiest Show on Earth", our Southern Maniacs prove more than ratings killers in what John Landis has called "one of the rare sequels that surpasses the original".
An oil company is exploring two Arctic sites for oil. The needed blasting at the first site rocks Santa Claus' North Pole village. He realizes that any blasting at the second site will destroy his home. He enlists the aid of a woman and her children to convince her husband (who works for the company) that the first site is where the oil they want is. Along the way, Santa explains all his secrets in delivering presents all around the world.
Part comedian, part madman magician The Amazing Johnathan brings his unique brand of comedy to DVD in The Amazing Johnathan: Wrong On Every Level – Uncensored. This all-new Comedy Central special showcases "The Madman of Comedy" at his best, hilariously skewering one magic trick after another with unexpected and sometimes gory results.
It is mid-december, and SOS Brigade chief Haruhi Suzumiya announces that the Brigade is going to hold a Christmas party in their clubroom, with Japanese hotpot for dinner. The brigade members Kyon, Yuki Nagato, Mikuru Asahina and Itsuki Koizumi start preparing everything for the party, such as costumes and decorations. But a couple of days later, Kyon arrives at school only to find that Haruhi is missing. Not only that, but Mikuru claims she has never known Kyon before, Koizumi is also missing, and Yuki has become the sole member of the literature club. The SOS Brigade seems to have never existed, nor has Haruhi Suzumiya. No one in the school has ever heard about her… except for Kyon.
Jean-Pierre Savelli is a forty-something employee of an insurance company in Clermont-Ferrand who finds himself facing a mid-life crisis. When his fiancée Valérie decides to put their relationship on hold, he changes his holiday plans and heads for the Flots Bleus camping site near Arcachon. Jean-Pierre had been hoping for peace and calm. Instead he meets Patrick Chirac and his entourage of inveterate holidaymakers...
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'Tis the season to be cool, as Beavis and Butt-Head star in their own twisted version of two holiday classics. The ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future struggle to teach a Scrooge-like Beavis the true meaning of Christmas, while Charlie the angel comes down from heaven to show Butt-head how much better life would be without him. Will Beavis and Butt-Head learn their lesson? Does a snowflake have a chance in hell?
Ron White does an hour long standup routine about his life, things that bother him, and other thoughts.
